"There are long periods in life when everything moves in lazy repetition, when each week resembles the next, when nothing happens, when it seems that nothing ever will happen, that existence has no change in sight and no complications can come to disturb the satisfying routine, which has been established. Then suddenly everything is accelerated, events crown in, swift decisions have to be made, when hardly the time is given to make them, when everything is hurried, dramatic, and intense."
Owen Johnson
Saturday, April 16, 2005
Erik Live!
Tommorrow I'll be speaking and doing a Q & A as part of a panel on employment and finance at a church in Colton, CA, at around 10am. Email me if you'd like directions.
Stats
Here's the numbers: Depending on what study you look at, between 75 and 89% of all divorces can be traced to quarrels and accusations over money.
It's wise to get on the same page with your spouse financially.
It's wise to get on the same page with your spouse financially.
Friday, April 15, 2005
Friday Mythbustin': Separate Checking Accounts
Myth: It's good to have separate checking accounts so both spouses can feel like they're contributing and maintain a sense of their own identity.
Fact: Having separate checking accounts is bad news, both for the relationship and for the budget.
When my wife and I first got married, we only had one checking account, but we had two separate checkbooks.
Say what?
Yeah. The way we figured it, as long as both checkbooks stayed balanced, both of our money was always there, and if we added the two checkbooks together, we'd know our bank balance.
It was, to put it mildly, a disaster.
We reverted to one checkbook pretty quick.
What I learned from personal experience, I've heard backed up time and time again, both by financial people and relationship experts.
One of the common factors that pops up before a relationship heads for trouble is that the couple starts using separate checking accounts.
Not only should both spouses pool their money, but both spouses should be involved in the finances.
Why is this?
1. Trust. You're not going to worry whether your husband picked up the tab for his secretary's new necklace if you both have access to all the family financial records. Ask anyone who's ever had a spouse who was involved with drugs or other problems, and they'll tell you one of the first warning signs was that their spouse started being very secretive about money.
2. Unity. If you're making financial decisions together, it will keep you on the same page, financially. You won't see her dashing out to buy four or five new chick flick DVDs with money you'd saved by eating tuna sandwiches for lunch (even though you hate tuna) so you could take her out that weekend.
3. "You and I" becomes "We." There's no arguments over whether "I" paid more towards bills or "you" paid more towards bills when "we" had to pay all the bills. If you're worried that pooling the money will allow your spouse to take advantage of you, swiping up all "your" money to buy "their" stuff, your marriage needs help for reasons unrelated to money. As long as it is "you and I" (or, more accurately, you vs. me) instead of "we," you will always have issues.
4. Exponential Increases of Power. Remember how they're always saying that in physics, 1+1 can often equal 4? Phrases like "The whole is greater than the sum of its parts?" That's how it becomes when money and energy is pooled. With the finances and intelligence of both partners contributing to the family's entire financial pool, rather than each assuming one or two specific areas, you get greater strength in every area.
5. Commitment. How many Olympic athletes do you think won medals who started out a race by dipping their toe in the pool and slowly climbing in the water to adjust to the temperature? You might think that's a poor analogy (Marriage isn't a race, after all) but I think it's a great one.
One of the reasons so many relationships end with both partners bailing is because both partners spend so much time making sure the parachutes work. Making sure finances are separate, cars are in separate names, maybe even avoiding a legal ceremony all because hey, well, we have to be ready in case it doesn't work. If they put as much effort into making it work as they put into being ready in case it doesn't, their relationship would probably work out just as well as their exit strategy would have.
How much more confidence would you have in your relationship if a spouse pitched all their money in together with yours, and sat down with you and began to make plans for how the two of you would prepare for your retirement years together? Would it give you a good sense that your spouse was in this for the long haul?
How do you think your spouse would feel about your level of commitment if you did the same thing?
Wouldn't it take a little of the edge of some of those fights if you both knew that you were still in it for the long haul?
Now I'm not saying money is the only way couples can become more united. But it definitely is one of them. Far more breakups and divorces are caused by financial concerns than are caused by infidelity and abuse.
So if you're in a relationship you want to stay in, pool your money. If you're not willing to put your money into a relationship, why in the world are you willing to put your time and your heart into it?
Fact: Having separate checking accounts is bad news, both for the relationship and for the budget.
When my wife and I first got married, we only had one checking account, but we had two separate checkbooks.
Say what?
Yeah. The way we figured it, as long as both checkbooks stayed balanced, both of our money was always there, and if we added the two checkbooks together, we'd know our bank balance.
It was, to put it mildly, a disaster.
We reverted to one checkbook pretty quick.
What I learned from personal experience, I've heard backed up time and time again, both by financial people and relationship experts.
One of the common factors that pops up before a relationship heads for trouble is that the couple starts using separate checking accounts.
Not only should both spouses pool their money, but both spouses should be involved in the finances.
Why is this?
1. Trust. You're not going to worry whether your husband picked up the tab for his secretary's new necklace if you both have access to all the family financial records. Ask anyone who's ever had a spouse who was involved with drugs or other problems, and they'll tell you one of the first warning signs was that their spouse started being very secretive about money.
2. Unity. If you're making financial decisions together, it will keep you on the same page, financially. You won't see her dashing out to buy four or five new chick flick DVDs with money you'd saved by eating tuna sandwiches for lunch (even though you hate tuna) so you could take her out that weekend.
3. "You and I" becomes "We." There's no arguments over whether "I" paid more towards bills or "you" paid more towards bills when "we" had to pay all the bills. If you're worried that pooling the money will allow your spouse to take advantage of you, swiping up all "your" money to buy "their" stuff, your marriage needs help for reasons unrelated to money. As long as it is "you and I" (or, more accurately, you vs. me) instead of "we," you will always have issues.
4. Exponential Increases of Power. Remember how they're always saying that in physics, 1+1 can often equal 4? Phrases like "The whole is greater than the sum of its parts?" That's how it becomes when money and energy is pooled. With the finances and intelligence of both partners contributing to the family's entire financial pool, rather than each assuming one or two specific areas, you get greater strength in every area.
5. Commitment. How many Olympic athletes do you think won medals who started out a race by dipping their toe in the pool and slowly climbing in the water to adjust to the temperature? You might think that's a poor analogy (Marriage isn't a race, after all) but I think it's a great one.
One of the reasons so many relationships end with both partners bailing is because both partners spend so much time making sure the parachutes work. Making sure finances are separate, cars are in separate names, maybe even avoiding a legal ceremony all because hey, well, we have to be ready in case it doesn't work. If they put as much effort into making it work as they put into being ready in case it doesn't, their relationship would probably work out just as well as their exit strategy would have.
How much more confidence would you have in your relationship if a spouse pitched all their money in together with yours, and sat down with you and began to make plans for how the two of you would prepare for your retirement years together? Would it give you a good sense that your spouse was in this for the long haul?
How do you think your spouse would feel about your level of commitment if you did the same thing?
Wouldn't it take a little of the edge of some of those fights if you both knew that you were still in it for the long haul?
Now I'm not saying money is the only way couples can become more united. But it definitely is one of them. Far more breakups and divorces are caused by financial concerns than are caused by infidelity and abuse.
So if you're in a relationship you want to stay in, pool your money. If you're not willing to put your money into a relationship, why in the world are you willing to put your time and your heart into it?
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Family Fun On A Budget: Yes, Even Disneyland
So, nobody was all that impressed with my pictures.
Well, will anybody be impressed if I say I spent Tuesday at Disneyland?
That I took me, my wife, and my two girls to Disneyland on a budget?
Is anybody paying attention to any of this?
Well, if anybody cares, here's how I did it.
There's an old saying in sales. "You can have it fast, cheap, or good. Pick any two."
This saying always holds true. You can get good, fast food for example, but it costs. If you want cheap, good food, it's not going to be fast--you're going to have to take the time to make it yourself from scratch.
So if you're on a budget, that means that, in most cases, you're either going to have to sacrifice it being fast or sacrifice it being good.
In the case of Disneyland, you can't control the quality (It's still good, no matter what your opinion of Eisner), so what you have to give up is speed. As with all purchases, you get the best deal if you bide your time. The more flexible your time frame, the better a deal you have time to find.
In our case, we knew we wanted to go to Disneyland, but we gave ourselves all the time in the world, and we were able to whittle the price for the tickets for my wife and myself down to free.
Yes, free.
We received an ad for a timeshare presentation that guaranteed that you would receive a fantastic prize at the conclusion of the presentation, whether you joined their program or not. If you weren't happy with your prize, they'd swap it for two tickets to the "Orange County resort" of your choice. Including Disneyland.
We pounced on it. We said no a lot that night, to a lot of people, but ultimately we ended up with the free tickets.
And, as you'd expect, there were all kinds of limits and restrictions on what days we could use the tickets (nothing too close to a holiday, no weekends, etc.) and there were a lot of hoops to jump through (mailing in forms and getting back forms and mailing in other forms, etc.) but ultimately, we ended up with a couple free tickets to Disneyland a free night's hotel stay in Buena Park (Right by Knotts Berry Farm. They offered to move us by Disneyland for $30 more. I'm sure the people who got Knotts Berry Farm tickets were already staying over by Disneyland, and being offered rooms in our hotel for $30 more).
Since Miriam is older than 3, we did end up buying her a ticket. So me, my wife, my three year old, and my two year old all got into Disneyland for the price of one child's ticket.
As for food, we brought a backpack with snacks and treats we bought cheap beforehand, so we could munch on things all day long, rather than stop the fun to pay outlandish prices for Disney food.
We did also pay $10 for parking.
So the moral of the story is know what you want, and then be flexible about when you want it, and you may be surprised with what types of deals turn up eventually.
Oh, and the Universal Studios pics? That trip was courtesy of the company I work for. The moral of that story is work real hard and people will recognize and reward you for it.
I hope I'm not making this 365 Day Turnaround thing look too easy, because it's not. It really is a challenge (Just getting this tickets was a challenge, with all the hoops you had to jump through. Fortunately, it was a challenge that didn't cost money).
I do hope I am making it look like a whole lot of fun.
Well, will anybody be impressed if I say I spent Tuesday at Disneyland?
That I took me, my wife, and my two girls to Disneyland on a budget?
Is anybody paying attention to any of this?
Well, if anybody cares, here's how I did it.
There's an old saying in sales. "You can have it fast, cheap, or good. Pick any two."
This saying always holds true. You can get good, fast food for example, but it costs. If you want cheap, good food, it's not going to be fast--you're going to have to take the time to make it yourself from scratch.
So if you're on a budget, that means that, in most cases, you're either going to have to sacrifice it being fast or sacrifice it being good.
In the case of Disneyland, you can't control the quality (It's still good, no matter what your opinion of Eisner), so what you have to give up is speed. As with all purchases, you get the best deal if you bide your time. The more flexible your time frame, the better a deal you have time to find.
In our case, we knew we wanted to go to Disneyland, but we gave ourselves all the time in the world, and we were able to whittle the price for the tickets for my wife and myself down to free.
Yes, free.
We received an ad for a timeshare presentation that guaranteed that you would receive a fantastic prize at the conclusion of the presentation, whether you joined their program or not. If you weren't happy with your prize, they'd swap it for two tickets to the "Orange County resort" of your choice. Including Disneyland.
We pounced on it. We said no a lot that night, to a lot of people, but ultimately we ended up with the free tickets.
And, as you'd expect, there were all kinds of limits and restrictions on what days we could use the tickets (nothing too close to a holiday, no weekends, etc.) and there were a lot of hoops to jump through (mailing in forms and getting back forms and mailing in other forms, etc.) but ultimately, we ended up with a couple free tickets to Disneyland a free night's hotel stay in Buena Park (Right by Knotts Berry Farm. They offered to move us by Disneyland for $30 more. I'm sure the people who got Knotts Berry Farm tickets were already staying over by Disneyland, and being offered rooms in our hotel for $30 more).
Since Miriam is older than 3, we did end up buying her a ticket. So me, my wife, my three year old, and my two year old all got into Disneyland for the price of one child's ticket.
As for food, we brought a backpack with snacks and treats we bought cheap beforehand, so we could munch on things all day long, rather than stop the fun to pay outlandish prices for Disney food.
We did also pay $10 for parking.
So the moral of the story is know what you want, and then be flexible about when you want it, and you may be surprised with what types of deals turn up eventually.
Oh, and the Universal Studios pics? That trip was courtesy of the company I work for. The moral of that story is work real hard and people will recognize and reward you for it.
I hope I'm not making this 365 Day Turnaround thing look too easy, because it's not. It really is a challenge (Just getting this tickets was a challenge, with all the hoops you had to jump through. Fortunately, it was a challenge that didn't cost money).
I do hope I am making it look like a whole lot of fun.
Monday, April 11, 2005
Tale Of The Tape: 90% Of The Man I Used To Be
Yup. I'm down 25 pounds.
::Does silly, giddy dance::
And that leaves only 17 pounds to hit 220 by my birthday in July.
And then I'll have a whole six months to lose the last 20 pounds.
Right on schedule.
Oh, and Dell? The company I said I'd never mention again? It was nice to get their bill today and see that $0.00 in the "amount due" line.
Life is good.
::Does silly, giddy dance::
And that leaves only 17 pounds to hit 220 by my birthday in July.
And then I'll have a whole six months to lose the last 20 pounds.
Right on schedule.
Oh, and Dell? The company I said I'd never mention again? It was nice to get their bill today and see that $0.00 in the "amount due" line.
Life is good.
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Before And After
The "before" pic is the work Christmas party in December. I was at least 262 pounds, since that's where I started the year, but probably more, since I started dieting a little before that pic was taken.
The after pic is last week, at Universal Studios, with Doctor Doom, the arch nemesis of the Fantastic Four. I'm down around 240 in that pic.
Both photos are clickable if you want bigger versions. And flickr.com, where I hosted them, has some cool features if you want to check them out.
I hope these pics will confirm that I do know what I'm talking about, and encourage somebody change is possible.
Oh, and for those who are wondering--yes, there are "Body-For-Life" style before and after shots where I have my shirt off.
You're welcome for my not posting them.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)